How to Communicate With Your Research Advisor:
5 Essential Phrases

Building a Healthy Graduate Student – Research Advisor Relationship

Graduate students often stress about working with their research advisors. After all, a research advisor can make or break the graduate school experience.

With the student-advisor relationship being one of the strongest predictors of graduate student success, it’s no wonder students are sometimes anxious about interacting with their advisor, nervous about being perfect, and worried about being seen as incompetent.

However, it does not have to be that way. If you’re a graduate student stressing over how to work with your advisor, read on to learn some core secrets to a better student-advisor relationship. A few phrases and a change of perspective can radically help your interactions and let you communicate more comfortably with your advisor.

5 Essential Phrases When Working With Your Research Advisor

1) Let me think about that and get back to you.

Many students feel pressured to give their research advisor an answer to any question right away, but nothing is more valuable than a well-considered opinion. You’re a student, you’re not expected to know the answer to every single question. Many times, your advisor is asking you questions to prompt you to start thinking about these issues, not because they expect an immediate answer.

Use this phrase when: you aren’t sure of an answer to a question, or your advisor is giving feedback that is making you feel triggered, and you need to take a step back.

2) Can you tell me what you’re thinking/why you think that?

Graduate students don’t suddenly become mind readers when they get their acceptance letters, and no reasonable advisor¹ will assume that you always know exactly what they are thinking. However, research advisors aren’t always good at communicating their thoughts, so sometimes you need to ask.

Use this phrase when: you have gotten unclear advice or instruction from your advisor, or you’ve gotten feedback that makes you feel misunderstood.

3) I haven’t done this before, is there anything you think I should be aware of or wouldn’t know to look out for?

Sometimes advisors forget what it’s like to be a graduate student. They forget that you don’t know what you don’t know. Asking for advanced warning allows you to focus your efforts and avoid pitfalls that you wouldn’t know to ask about. This phrase is vital when taking responsibility for complex tasks where problems or mistakes could cause delays or ripple effects that could lead to problems for you and your research advisor.

Use this phrase when: you need to learn a new skill but aren’t sure where to start, or you are responsible for a larger or more complex task where mistakes may have ripple effects.

4) I’m working on doing [this thing], but I’m struggling to find the right resources. I’ve [done this, this, and this], is there somewhere else I should be looking/doing?

It’s important to take the initiative for learning and problem-solving in graduate school, but it’s also important to develop discernment. Discernment in knowing when to stop what you are doing and change direction. Nowhere does discernment fail more than when an advisor asks a student to do something, and they waste days trying to solve it on their own.

Which is wiser, struggling for days trying to figure it out without help, or giving it a good attempt and then getting assistance? Your advisor will be disappointed to learn that you wasted days trying and failing to complete a task when they could have set you in the right direction in 5 minutes.

This phrase demonstrates that you took the initiative to find the answer yourself. However, it also demonstrates that you recognize the value of time and collaboration.

Use this phrase when: You are struggling to find a resource to teach yourself a skill, or if things are taking far longer than you think they should, and help might speed things along.

5) I’m looking at my commitments, and I’m getting to the point where I won’t be able to give them enough attention. I know that you want X, Y, and Z completed. What do you think I should prioritize?

If there is a universal in graduate school, it’s that research advisors are busy people with a myriad of responsibilities. They are not tracking everything that they’ve asked you to do, or are good at estimating how long it should take you to do something (see also, forgetting what it was like to be a student). Moreover, your advisor isn’t keeping a detailed list of your other responsibilities and tasks. That’s your job.

When you are getting overwhelmed, it’s your responsibility to make your advisor aware of it and ask for help. By phrasing it this way, it demonstrates that you take your commitments seriously. It also reminds them of all of your responsibilities, gets their buy-in on what is essential, and allows them to step in and provide suggestions to complete the activities more efficiently or reallocate tasks.

Use this phrase when: you have too many tasks, are struggling to prioritize, or are concerned about not meeting deadlines.

Positive Student-Research Advisor Relationships

Many student-advisor problems come down to simple misunderstandings and missed opportunities to communicate. By building a positive, interactive dynamic, you can promote a professional, mutually respectful relationship with your research advisor.

1. Sadly, not all research advisors are reasonable. If you’re having problems with an unreasonable advisor, check out Dr. Glasheen’s article on abuse in graduate school.